I love Power Struggles.

It's a Sunday morning and a cold-enough-to-stay-in-your-comforter-longer kinda weather. Nathan has suddenly appeared in between Elvin and I again. (Bed space invader!) Being a slightly (really just a bit k!) obsessed-with-how-cute-my-kids-are mother, I just keep looking at this peacefully sleeping boy. Aww... Such an angel..... NOT! Hahaha.. (Disclaimer: sometimes la.) 

The thing is I love Nathan but I don't love those times he behaves poorly or is rude to others. I seriously think there is a teenager in him now, because some times he really behaves like a rebellious big boy! So many occasions the thought of "if only he is as cute and as peaceful as when he is asleep" comes to me but Nathan cannot be sleeping always right?

Recently, we have been in situations when power struggles are long and draining. We feel quite defeated sometimes and we are permanently in this state of reflection and review, trying hard to think if we are doing something wrong or missing out on his certain needs. We want to help Nathan grow up to be a godly and loving man. We want to be good stewards of the gift that God has given us..

Until one day, my sister in law who specializes in counselling work and psychological areas, praised us for the power struggles! We got praised and commended for engaging in power struggles?!

We gathered from her that because we care and love the children, we want them to learn and be good people when they grow up and hence, we don't leave discipline to happen by chance or allow character to form somehow. We could have taken the easier way out and brush all the unpleasant moments and incidents aside but it does not benefit the children at all. Repetition is tiring but needed as guiding and grooming is a continual process and it is INTENTIONAL. One problem ignored today, can become two problems tomorrow and many problems next week.

WOW. So we are doing the right thing! 

Seriously, who doesn't want to take the easier way out and choose to stuff Nathan an iPhone at meal times so I can feed him faster and we can continue with other activities? So here, we want to encourage parents who are feeling drained and possibly at the verge of just letting it go (NOOOO! Not this song again!), that we are in it together and you are not alone!

Here we list 10 power struggles we have and hope it resonates with you.

1) Self-feeding

"You can eat on your own."

"Teacher Shaf didn't feed you in school, right?"

"You are a big boy now"

No matter how long he whines, we persist. Seriously, it is actually easier to just feed him but I cannot imagine still feeding him at 7years old or 17 years old. (Ewwww.. 😱) So I better train him NOW.

2) finishing dinner

Be it Nathan feeding himself or us feeding him, sometimes is like war time. He will insist he is full when he barely touched his food or try to escape by requesting to go to the toilet. HOWEVER, we will always plant him back into his highchair. 

Dinner can take really long but we are serious about family being at the dining table together and no one gets a toy or distractor. 

3) Rudeness

"I don't like you"

"I don't want you"

We don't know where he picked up these lines but it is irritating because it is rude and hurtful. Again, we could just brush it off by ignoring it or simple say "don't say that pls" but that wouldn't help Nathan understand what he does make others sad. Each time he says those, we would

(1) stop him, 

(2) ask him to explain why he said that and if there is a better way to say it (e.g he screamed "I don't want you" to my helper because he wanted to keep his books himself. He could say "can I keep the books myself pls? I can do it myself" instead)

(3) apologise to the person whom he said it to

However, sometimes this process takes really long because Nathan is also angry at the situation and himself and he ended up feeling embarrassed and more repulsive. Frankly, do we like this power struggle? Nope. But did we continue to still go through it, yes. Oh.. How I love power struggles. 😲

4) Packing toys and books

It is faster for me to just grab everything and put them back. However, we are talking about good habits here. My kids have to keep their own things and we  don't move on to next activity until this is done.

P/S: also because I really hate stepping on those little trains. My poor foot!!!!

5) Bed time and Naptime

Especially for Naptime. Just close your eyes, stop singing and sleep! You know how much sleep debt your poor parents have? When you grow up, you won't even remember what a nap is! Enjoy it while you can!

"No more Let It Go! Just sleep ok.."

"No more break dancing on your bed. You will hurt your neck."

"When you wake up, you will have more energy to play!"

6) Punishments

Okok.. I admit first.. I am soft hearted sometimes and will change some canning moments to naughty corner. And I cannot wait to give my kids a hug once they admit they are wrong. They are crying so badly already....

BUT each time we give in, they nudge closer to the boundaries and closer to challenging the rules.

Nathan knows he gets two strokes of the cane if he lies. When we sense that he is not speaking the truth, we will ask him one more time if it is real and remind him about the punishment or consequence. 

Elvin always say "don't threaten! Must execute!" I know I know.. But Mr Nathan is taking 15 minutes to stretch his hand out for the caning and I cannot aim properly when he is moving so much! The struggle is taking so long and he is crying so badly and telling me he is sorry BUT we still have to punish. You reap what you sow, son.

7) relationship with the sister

Nathan can share his toys and food with the doggie from third floor but cannot do that with his sister. I don't understand but I know he still loves the sister. Just that he is so rough.. 

Previously to minimize conflict or possible accidents, whenever we have to exit a while, we will shift phoebe to the playpen. However, we realised whenever nathan is unhappy with phoebe or doesn't want to share or play with her, he will say "put meimei in the playpen!"

Easier way out was to keep them apart, torturous way is to put them together and they learn to be with each other. Phoebe needs to learn that she cannot just snatch from Nathan and Nathan has to learn that there is no need to react so aggressively. And for the parents, you have to be present always to guide and execute punishment if need be.

No prize for guessing which way we took.....

8) Please, thank you and Can I..

You don't get the service or item until you ask properly and say thank you.

Even if you don't want something you are offered, you cannot say "I don't want", you say "no, thanks"

Anyone who hangs out with us, hear us say this so often. Nathan must say "can I ..., please ?" Someone asked me, how come after so long we are still reminding? 

Because it must be so natural that he no longer needs reminder and it won't come naturally.

9) saying sorry

The kids have to mean what they say by at least showing remorse, looking at the person before saying sorry. 

Nathan is stubborn and if he feels angry too, this saying sorry process can take a while. Easier to announce case close fast fast and go back to happy and fun activities but we are so pervertic because we love to torture ourselves and ensure he says sorry before anything else. Yup, we love power struggles. :)

10) sharing

We are taking it slow but finding all teachable moments to emphasize the joy one get when he blesses others and receive a word of thanks. He also will get to see a happy smile and the world seems happier! Really hope to inculcate some hospitality in our kids but first, towards each other. :)

How? Do you feel better now? :) weirdly, as I typed, I feel more empowered to be in the power struggles. :) 

To being good stewards for these little gifts God gave, CHEERS!

Fun Cookery: Cereal Cookies!

Riding on the Raya mood, we did some fun cookery at home! :)

In order to combine Fitness Crunch Cereal (Elvin's fav), honey coated Cheerios (Nathan's new fav) and peanut butter (everyone's fav), cereal cookies are the best option for a simple cookery session!

We started with pouring cereal into a big container and gave Nathan a metal press. Frankly, this is my favourite segment because it was so therapeutic! Equivalent to punching a bag maybe? Hahaha.. Just keep pressing and crushing the cereal into smaller pieces. Choose a deeper container to prevent bits flying out of the container and making a mess. :)

Then we melted some rock sugar with a bit of water. When the sugar is fully dissolved, we added peanut butter. Stir and mix well until mixture is smooth and thicken. Use a big and deep pot so mixing will not be a mess. 

We allowed Nathan to help with the pouring in of the cereal. Please be careful when the child approach the pot. 

Mix well and remove mixture from pot!

We did the scooping of mixture into the muffin cups near Nathan's toy kitchen. 

Done! Into the refrigerator for cooling! :)

Usually, the session will end here but we wanted to share the goodness! And it is also a good teachable moment for appreciation and sharing.

Nathan decorated some plastic containers with stickers. We did it one by one, mentioning the name of the person he is giving to, then choose the sticker then paste it on.

He assisted in putting the cookies in the container, counting out loudly, 1, 2, 3!

Nathan chose to give the 6 boxes to his teachers at the Childcare. The teachers called me that afternoon and said that that was a sweet gesture. :) everyone enjoys a little appreciation and love! :)

Craft: A little love for the mothers!

Mother's day is not just a day for my children to thank me (obviously because I am their MOTHER) but a day when they appreciate all the lady figures who have shown love and care for them. 

For Nathan, who now understands much, I started with eliciting who are the people who love him and he loves as well. Then I told him, we are going to make gifts for them. With that, I showed him the earrings I was wearing and told him it shall be earrings. Of course, teachers being teachers, I made him said earrings a few times. Hahahaha!

We used shrinking film which is easily available at Art Friend. An A4 size shrinking paper/film is only $1.70 and you can make many things out of it.

(For those who doesn't know what shrinking film is, it is simply a piece of plastic like paper which under heat, will shrink by about 30-40%. You can YouTube it for better understanding.)

After cutting out the shapes, which in our case, I just used a big flower shaped paper punch, Nathan started colouring the flowers with magic markers.

After that, I put the paper into the toaster oven and shrunk them. :) so here I have all the lovely plastic chips, ready to be transformed!

I added the stud backings to the thickened chips. 

Tah dang! Simple and nice!

I love how the pair is not identical. It's so handmade. Hahaha.. And it's so original. 

After the earrings are done, we started on the card making. Basically, all u need is some ink pads and FINGERS! Yup, I demonstrated how to stamp a flower using my finger and Nathan was able to start right away! With prior knowledge about the five petal flower, it was easy for him to create the flowers.

Finally, poke two holes and put the earrings in!

To allow variations, I also took out some alphabet stamps for him to identify letters and stamp the name of the receiver. 

Here is a card for his auntie (my elder sis) and similarly, just slit then poke the earrings through!

And here's happy 奶奶 wearing her Mother's Day special edition earrings!

As for myself, I'm very thankful for a very caring husband who also secretly made a card for me with the children. 

He also presented me with a very heartwarming certificate.

This is my third Mother's Day. Frankly, it has been nothing but great. :) I recalled the first thing I said when I held Nathan in my arms in the theatre, "dear! This one cannot return ah!" That was a very real statement. When God entrusted us with the gift of a child, we are to be good stewards and nurture them properly. There is no return policy and we can and should always give forth our best. The journey and process can be challenging but with God being the center of it all, it will be fulfilling. :) totally loving all the cuddles I have with Nathan and phoebe on our bed and all their joyful giggles! All in all, I'm so glad I have been chosen by God to be a mother and I'm so gonna do my best! :)

I DON'T WANT TO SHARE!

"I don't want to share!"

Does that sound familiar to you?

With Nathan entering two and now at two years 5 months, we have been doing our best to inculcate good values and of course, many times to model the way. However, at this age when their cognitive development is very "caveman" and it is mainly about themselves and their needs and wants, it is not very easy. The power struggles that come with it haven't been too pleasant either. 

So today, we decided to use his favourite snack "honey stars" as a teaching tool for Sharing. :)

First we speak with Nathan about honey stars being his favourite food and he feels happy when he eats them. And it is good if other people can be happy too. So we can give them honey stars and let them feel the same "happy" that Nathan feels. :)

We took out some small zip lock bags and some animal puffy stickers from Daiso. We let Nathan choose a sticker for each of his cousins.

He chose an alligator for kor Kor ah rui; a lion for didi yisheng and a cat for Mei Mei   Beatrice. Then we guided him to stick them on the zip lock bags.

Then we let Nathan fill these zip lock bags with his box of honey stars!

Hahaha phoebe also wanted to join in!

Here are the end products!

Finally we went to Gardens by the Bay's children playground to meet the other cousins. Nathan then presented each packet to each cousin. (Minus yisheng cos he was asleep)

The concept of sharing is very difficult to grasp for young kids.. It's hard for them to understand why must they share their favourite toy with others esp just because the parents said so.

So we are going to continue to explain, model the way and guide our kids to do so...

Jiayou, everyone! 

Till the day we hear "I WANT TO SHARE". :)

River Safari: everything is just right!

I was trying to give this review a title but the one phrase that came to mind is: Just Right.

It was a very comfortable trip with everything just right. The walking is just right, the excitement is just right, the engagement is just right, the environment is just right and the whole experience is just right!

Just right is a state that all parents with young kids try to achieve as we always worry about the tipping point when kids are over tired and hyper and it can affect the remaining part of the day and if worse, the entire night. 

So for River Safari, it is JUST RIGHT. :)

This was the last excursion about 1month back before I ended my maternity. We were blessed with an awesome weather, slightly sunny but nice breeze. Thank God for MOE privileges, we have four adult tickets complimentary with boat rides!

Nathan was briefed about the pandas before that so he was really excited!

Family portrait at the entrance!

(Disclaimer: Phoebe was playing with the foam fan, she was not injured. She pulled out the whole blade. The fan was the one who was injured.)

What greeted us was tranquility! 

Never knew Singapore could still have space for a sight like this. :)

River safari is structured by major rivers and the entire walk to the pandas and passing through all the rivers is only 30min. It is fully covered and there is not much terrain. We had our girl in the stroller and there was no problem moving about. 

This crocodile is a monster. It is so huge that I was traumatized!

If your child likes the underwater world and SEA aquarium, he is bound to like river safari! This place is a combination of those two and the zoo! :)

The red pandas were really close to us. I love how the panda enclosures were. Up close and they were really tame and also showy.

As kids below 1.3m is not allowed on the boat ride, we had to stagger our turns to take it. What was impressive was they had a corner for parents to wait near the queue and do the exchange! 

Ok, the ride!

I LOVE IT! It is like night safari kinda experience which you sail through the animals homes. They are just right beside you! Only thing is, it is not very sheltered so be sure to have a cap on or slab on some SPF 1000000 sun screen. :)

This was how near the jaguars were from our boat.

The boat ride is located just at the half mark of the whole trail. It is about 30-40min from entrance, based on casual walking. 

Pls save some energy as the second part of the trail is as fun or more fun!

These monkeys totally freaked us out. My mother in law RAN out cos the monkeys were following the stroller she was pushing and trying to grab my hand bag. So please be very careful and alert when u enter this area and DO NOT BE COMPLACENT.

Then we went on to this beautiful and mysterious underwater ecosystem, aquatic animals swim and live amidst the trees and plants until the waters recede. 

We arrived just in time for the feeding and it was so interesting! It was about 1pm if I remember correctly. :)

The whole trail will take you about 1.5 hours with a casual stroll speed and stopping at all the exhibits and animals. But we stopped for lunch and had to do swapping for baby sitting and diaper changing etc, it was about 3+hours being out and learning something.

When we left at 1+pm, Nathan was tired but still not grouchy and the timing was just right for a long afternoon nap! :)

That's why I said from the beginning, this place is JUST RIGHT! :)

Ok, shall end with a unique selfie shot.

(Disclaimer again: I did not teach him that.)

Hidden gem: Jacob Ballas children's garden!

Was messaging my sister in law, kris, and we just suddenly decided to bring the kids out! So we packed our stuff and headed out to explore Jacob Ballas Children's Garden, a place I have been wanting to go for a long while! :)

Photo credit: digital_shutterbug

We arrived about 11am and went straight for the treehouse because there is a sand pit and Nephew YR and Nathan are crazy over sand play. They lugged their own sand toys there of course!

One special mention is that the sand is really fine and it felt awesome to have your toes wriggle in it. But my clean freak son felt he wanted to have his shoes on.

The treehouse was really fun too! Also very well shaded. Nathan and I went up and down the slide so many times! The stairs are wide and not too steep and made it rather easy for toddlers to climb up. 

The space in the slide is really big too! Spacious and airy! I took a video of our faces as we slided down with Nathan on my lap. It was hilarious! :)

After a few crazy rounds of the slide, I brought Nathan to explore other areas.

We went on a floating platform and looked at tortoise and fishes then to the man-made waterfall! Nathan was so fascinated by the splashes! :) you can be under the waterfall which makes it more unique I guess. :)

Nathan took up the challenge to take the log bridge and being safe, I didn't take any photos because I was holding his hands. :) 

Other than the slide, Nathan's favourite is the swinging suspension bridge! It is really wobbly and bouncy! I personally liked it too!

There are other interesting areas in the garden but it was lunch time and we decided to forgo water play and maybe come again next time.

The park is actually nice for even infants. Phoebe had fun looking at all the Kor Kor Jie Jie play and some fresh air is always good!

There are many areas to sit down to rest. :) we had our lunch at the kids cafe. They have some simple western meals and drinks. While waiting for the nuggets and fries, the kids had their home cooked porridge there first. Although no outside food is allowed there, the boss was nice and let the kids eat there AFTER check if there is any pork in it. Cafe is halal. :)

I strongly recommend this place although I'm slightly surprised that there aren't many people. If your kiddo knows how to walk, he/she will surely love this place! :)

CAN'T WAIT TO GO AGAIN! :)

Where: Jacob Ballas Children’s Gardens, enter at the Bukit Timah – Dunearn Road – Kheam Hock Road intersection. 481 Bukit Timah Road, Singapore 259769.

When: 8am – 7pm (last admission 6:30pm). Closed Mondays (except when it falls on a designated public holiday).

Admission: FREE. Open to children up to 12 years of age. All children must be accompanied by an adult.